[Maria Camila]

By Alex Nelson:

I’ve truly been in the thick of it these past few weeks. Expansion on a multitude of fronts, from relationship, to location, to ceremonies, to coaching. I’ve been pushing my edge in more ways than I ever have before. Most of these growth avenues have felt extremely scary for me.

Being human, we have certain expectations for the equation of the universe. My extreme discomfort, non-stop digging into my deepest wounds, and showing up in continual service equals automatic love and appreciation, right?

Wrong, of course. Now don’t let me mislead you, I have received plenty of love from my Fit For Service family this past week in Costa Rica. However, love aside, there is a certain appreciation for the deep art and craft of what it is I do, that my ego wants to be noticed. I’ve developed my ceremonial practice over the course of 7+ long years of continual improvement, and even with all of the love, support, and words of affirmation I receive, sometimes I still feel like chopped liver.

Therein lies the rub. Can I serve my medicine in the moments when no one notices? Can I still create space for healing if the deep intricacies are missed? Can I, as the great Richard Schwartz (founder of Internal Family Systems) says, “do everything for a client, and have them walk out of my office saying ‘thanks Doc, you are great, but I healed myself.’”

Yes, yes, and 1000x yes. I just have to let go of the story of specialness I (we) cling to like a life raft in a churning sea. If I want to go deep, I must allow myself to release the comfort of my story and sink down, down, down to the depths. Only there can I pour a foundation on true bedrock. Only there can I see what it is that I am in Truth.

So I ask of you, the reader; can you still serve whatever is your medicine if no one notices? Can you let the healing itself be the reward, not the accolades? Can you love those around you so deeply that even if they never see the gifts you bring, you still show up with arms full of presents (presence) every time?

I know only that I will try. And that, in this moment, is enough.

Journal Prompts to help understand triggers…

-When was the last time I felt triggered by something? What was I feeling in that moment? (Angry, Sad, Anxious, etc.)
-What are the things which consistently make me the most emotional? (The 5 core wounds most of us react to are: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice.)
-Where do I think this core wounding could have come from in my past?

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